Staying Neutral & Keeping Boundaries V4
Be a leader
The first "Boundary" I want to set for you, the reader, is to read this post with a focused mind. Take a minute, breathe, relax, notice your hands, and come back.
Focus is important. Without focus, how can we know the truth about the nature of people, our relationships and ourselves. We cannot lead in our conversations or daily activities if we are not able to tell our mind to "shut up" sometimes. Focus. Be a leader
Ask questions to yourself
What do I need right now?
What solution, goal or end game do I want?
What "Boundaries" do I need to accomplish my goal with people?
Depending on your answer to these questions, the nature of your boundaries should change all the time. Being person-centered means being able to change to treat each unique event in your environment...uniquely!
Your answers to these questions change every 5 minutes depending on your Bio-psycho-social, mood and intuition. (Google)
Focus on being a leader.
If you focus on being a leader, you can focus on the content of your interactions better because there is a solid purpose. To lead is the purpose and it does not matter with who and on what level.
Do not limit applying "leading" based on someone's social status!!!! From President to Beggar-- listen, learn & lead!
And to lead does not mean to be a boss. To lead means to be patient, present, compassionate, knowledgeable, experienced, and more. This does not come easy but takes work. Did you do the work to lead?
Know where you are on the social ladder and use it.
I once heard a story about a Chicken and a Wolf. A chicken went to see the wisest chicken of them all for a consultation, having lost the way to his dreams, he consulted. The wisest chicken said "my love, you are a chicken, do not call the wolf and tell him you are a chicken, but call up the wolf and tell him you are a wolf and then you will save the world."
What does this mean to you?
Know what it means and want it. It cant' happen without that. Working smarter and not harder.
When you are in focused and aware, you can do more and that includes paying attention to when its time to set a boundary. Sometimes this happens so fast!
A comment from your family member, strangers in the street, someone your dating, someone you work with etc.
The comments that happen in a conversation are your opportunites to set boundaries. Yes we all know this, but how many people take their intuition when they feel it and set it at the right time. Or do we all learn from trial and error of constant manupulation from others where now you are serving inefficiently instead of leading. Boundaries. that is the solution.
When someone gets pulled over by a cop. They behave based on boundaries because they know the consequences. Mostly everyone behaves the same, but why not with you. Is it healthier for the police or for a student to have boundaries so that the same lesson can come across. (For police-the lesson is dont break the rules---for children---its a time out) What is the difference and is there another way. Or can it be the same boundaries a social worker sets for her patients. Yes, Yes, Yes and Yes.
In addition, people have their own lives in this world, its a brutal place depending on your perspective. For people who are struggling, sometimes the perspective they choose is not one. We all fall pray to this in one way or another. The ability to see ourselves outside of our own box.
We, Community health workers, are coming in from outside of our patient's box and that needs to be approached sensitively. You keep boundaries when you can RESPECT where someone is and assist them in a non-intrusive way
How to Keep them? Be honest and communicate.
Word it like a law
Why are they hard to keep sometimes? Because you dont want to hurt someones feelings but their feelings will be more hurt when you do not give them 100% because you did not set enough boundaries to make yourself flourish.
Your time is the currency not physical money, do not waste it.